Michael Scott from The Office is a quote machine. We've compiled our favorites, but let's be honest.. No matter how many we list, there are too many to count. Help us out and submit yours!
  1. Abraham Lincoln once said that "If you're a racist, I will attack you with the North" and these are the principles I carry with me in the workplace.
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  2. This is our receptionist, Pam. If you think she's cute now, you should have seen her a couple years ago.
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  3. No, I'm not going to tell them about the downsizing. If a patient has cancer, you don't tell them.
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  4. Yes, it is true, Michael Scott am signing up with an online dating service. Thousands of people have done it and I am going to do it. I need a username andI have a great one. Little Kid Lover. That way people will know exactly where my priorities are at.
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  5. I guess the atmosphere that I've tried to create here is that I'm a friend first and a boss second, and probably an entertainer third.
  6. I am Michael, and I am part English, Irish, German, and Scottish, sort of a virtual United Nations.
  7. I learned improve from the greats, like Drew Carey and Ryan Styles.
  8. I think if I was allergic to dairy I'd kill myself.
  9. A lot of the people here don't get trophies very often, like Meridith or Kevin. I mean who's gonna give Kevin an award, Dunkin' Donuts?
  10. Toby is in HR, which technically means he works for corporate, so he's really not a part of our family. Also, he's divorced, so he's really not a part of his family.
  11. Would I rather be feared or loved? Um... Easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.
  12. Christmas is awesome. First of all you got to spend time with people you love. Secondly, you can get drunk and no-one can say anything. Third you give presents. What's better than giving presents? And fourth, getting presents. So four things. Not bad for one day. It's really the greatest day of all time.
  13. That is a perfectly good mini Christmas tree. We are going to sell that to charity because that is what Christmas is all about.
  14. Happy birthday, Jesus. Sorry your party is so lame!
  15. I enjoy having breakfast in bed. I like waking up to the smell of bacon, sue me. And since I don't have a butler, I have to do it myself. So, most nights before I go to bed, I will lay six strips of bacon out on my George Foreman grill. Then I go to sleep. When I wake up, I plug in the grill. I go back to sleep again. Then I wake up to the smell
  16. Jan is cold. If she was sitting across from you on a train, and she wasn't moving, you might think she was dead.
  17. What is with the guy jumping overboard? If he had just waited and heard what I had to say, he would be motivated right now, and not all wet.
  18. Leader. Ship. The word 'ship' is hidden in side the word 'leadership,' as its... derivation.
  19. Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss that's always trying to teach people things. Sometimes you just have to be the boss of dancing.
  20. This is Creed and he is in charge of something
  21. Listen, I like kids but this is not a kids environment. This is like HBO. No limits. Who knows what Im gonna say? Crazy stuffand it is R-rated. It is not rated G. Im like Eddie Murphy in Raw and they are trying to make me into Eddie Murphy in Daddy Daycare. Both great movies, but still
  22. Pam, Im public speaking. Stop public interrupting me! Actually, this would be good practice for your wedding toast.
  23. I hope this gave you a little taste of what life is like here at Dunder Mifflin Scranton. What its like to walk in Oscars shoes or try on Phyllis pants.
  24. Now you may look around and see two groups here. White collar, blue collar. But I dont see it that way. You know why not? Because I am collar-blind.
  25. I am a victim of a hate crime! I think Stanley knows what Im talking about
  26. The rules of shotgun are very simple and very clear. The first person to shout shotgun when youre within sight of the car gets the front seat. Thats how the games played. There are no exceptions for someone with a concussion.
  27. Dwight, you ignorant slut
    Suggested by @chloeabzzz
  28. "I declare...BANKRUPTCY!!!"
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    Suggested by @jennyanydots
  29. "I'm not a bad guy. I'm just a guy who sometimes runs over women with his car."
    Suggested by @sl
  30. That's what she said.
    Suggested by @drewplaysdrums
  31. I like to wake up to the smell of crackling bacon, sue me
    That entire episode
    Suggested by @sarahgorman
  32. "'You miss 100% of the shots you don't take -Wayne Gretsky'" -Michael Scott
    Suggested by @smwebs
  33. Ah, Toby, the Antichrist
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    Suggested by @vailerin
  34. Well, well, well. How the turntables....
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    Suggested by @vailerin