BULLETPOINTS FROM LAST NIGHT'S DATELINE
In case one of you doesn't watch the stupid Bachelorette
- •Woman meets man then marries him 4 days later
- •Woman demands they move from Michigan to 1 of 3 bland locations, based solely on their proximity to theme parks. They choose Newport News, VA.
- •Woman's husband quits his jobs at Applebee's AND McDonalds and becomes addicted to X Box Live.
- •Couple has 2 daughters.
- •Woman decides "you know what? I should go" and takes the kids back to Michigan.
- •Woman asks for sole custody of the kids.
- •One morning, woman goes out to get the newspaper in her PJs and goes missing.
- •Ex husband has an "alibi" of grainy security footage of "him" always in a hoodie and sunglasses and speaking in a whisper in a hurry.
- •Ex Husband's car searched. Amongst loose French fries and other disgusting trash, police find a Walmart receipt for what is basically a "hide your wife's body" kit. Security footage and a freaked out Walmart employee confirm.
- •Ex Husband's phone records emerge. Turns out he talks to a 20 year old dude who lives with his parents RE: X Box Live 6-10 hours A DAY.
- •Trial commences and star witness is aforementioned reject.
- •Young reject's screenname is Dark Bukaki
- •YR breaks down on the stand and admits that after many ODD visits to the defendant's home, (duh) he played security camera alibi while OR (other reject) brutally choked his ex wife to death in Michigan.
- •YR gets 1 year in prison while OR gets life. He refuses to admit his guilt and tell the poor family where he buried her body.
- •If anyone knows the whereabouts of Dark Bukaki AKA Young Reject, I have VERY MANY QUESTIONS!