Is this what you meant, @bjnovak ?
  1. They will be just as boring as they are long.
  2. Actresses will weep.
  3. People will clap more for some dead people than others and that's terrible.
  4. The host will make safe edgy jokes that elicit adorable celebrity reaction shots and all shall clap.
  5. Actresses will be alarmingly skinny.
  6. An ultra famous actor will have an unkempt beard and we will all wonder why (for a part).
  7. The big "surprise win" won't really be much of a surprise at all.
  8. I'll be watching The Jinx on HBO.