PRIMARY USES OF THE INTERNET

  1. Amazon Prime
    I should just get the Prime logo tattooed at this point. Same day delivery on a Saturday? Shopbop? Don't care what evil means they use honestly.
  2. Animal videos
    I blindly scroll waiting for the monkeys, dogs, and interspecies friendships. I follow Drake's trainer for his Pitbull puppy. It's deep.
  3. Trainwrecks
    Jose Canseco, Randy Quaid, some random girl a fellow trainwreck lover probably told me about, etc.
  4. Post Dateline or reality show google marathon