1. It's 2014.
  2. Most websites offer a Black Friday sale too and/or one up it with Cyber Monday.
  3. Crowded parking lots are hell on earth.
  4. Amazon Prime™
  5. I'll die before I fight over a bargain.
  6. I'll die before I find something truly great on a sale rack.
  7. Crowds of people are the worst of people.
  8. Pushy salespeople.
  9. Lines.
  10. Anything you'd ever want is available online with free shipping.