Dream Journal

  1. They made a musical inspired by the works of Jane Austen, but used only Adele songs. I watched it air live on HBO anyway.
    At the end there was an ad for a Revolutionary War musical set to Imagine Dragons.
  2. I went to a ballet academy in renaissance Europe with everyone who went to high school with me. During conditioning, one of my friends said very loudly, "The prince of the Holy Roman Empire wants to ask Lauren to prom!" and I slapped him square across the face.
    Because, duh. That's top secret. The tabloids are gonna be all over us.
  3. Everyone in my family died and we were ghosts hanging out in my childhood neighborhood.
  4. I had to wait in line for an ultrasound behind Harry Styles.
  5. I volunteered to perform 45 minutes of stand-up. I made a joke about the word "knight," and why on earth did we decide to have homonyms back in a time when there were so many fewer words taken?
    We could have called them "refrigerators." That word didn't mean anything yet. Instead we used the word we were already using to describe 50% of the day.
  6. They cast an Indian child actor to play young Peter Parker in the new Spider-Man movie.
    I was having a debate with my sister about it. Tom Holland was still playing the older version of him so... 😬
  7. My childhood best friend didn't invite me to be in her wedding party.
    I showed up and tried to pretend like I was the maid of honor anyway, because I was so offended and petty.
  8. I wanted to go to the drive-in movie theatre, but every screen that night was playing a different version of Baywatch.
    Baywatch with all the music replaced by car horns. Baywatch in Russian. Baywatch but every time Zac Efron makes a sexist joke, there's a bleeping noise. I haven't ever seen Baywatch and I didn't plan on it. So I guess I just went home.