For @brooke, a list I promised you a week ago.
- •People who are "looking for a serious relationship" are doing it wrong.Dating is awkward. It's uncomfortable. You're putting yourself out there, you're taking an emotional risk. Why make it harder by saying if the person isn't the love of your life, the night is a failure? We should be taking AWAY stakes, not adding them. Not every meal is going to be prime rib. Most of the time, you're gonna get a cheeseburger. That doesn't mean you should starve yourself until a prime rib comes along. People are food, is what I'm saying.
- •Tinder, Grindr, and "hook up culture" have not cheapened dating. They've made it better.Dating apps have made meeting new people easier than ever. You both know why you're there, so there's no need to beat around the bush. Some of my dearest friendships have started from matching on a dating app. I'm looking at you @hollis and @RachelP. Just because you don't end up in a romantic relationship, it doesn't mean you don't belong in each others' lives.
- •Getting drinks is not a date.It can be. But it isn't a date by default. I've gotten drinks with a lot of women, most of whom I met online, and I would never constitute any of those outings as "dates." They weren't romantic. They were a social outing, an activity to facilitate the events of the evening. Bars are a good neutral ground where strangers can get to know each other.
- •Who should pay? Great question.I generally pay for drinks. It's not that big of a deal. But I won't turn a woman down if she offers to buy a round. I actually like that a lot. It's a show of equality. Once, a couple of years ago, I was getting drinks with a woman from Tinder. I went to the bathroom, and when I returned, she'd picked up the check. It was a baller move, and a huge turn on. Just something to think about.
- •Monogamy is not the default.Monogamy is a choice. It is a choice that people need to make together. If you haven't discussed it, you aren't monogamous. If you assume you are, you shouldn't. Talk about it with your partner(s).
- •First dates lead to second dates. Second dates lead to third dates. Don't overthink it."I don't think she wants to commit!" You've had dinner twice, stop acting like an insane person. Play it by ear, communicate your feelings, and everything will be fine.
- •Be with someone who makes you happy. Be with someone whom you want to make happy.That's really all there is to it, gang.