Every 2016 Release Seen by Me, Ranked

And I still have several to go.
  1. 99.
    Suicide Squad
    Incompetent by every conceivable measure.
  2. 98.
    Mother's Day
  3. 97.
    The Angry Birds Movie
    Plays the Limp Bizkit cover of "Behind Blue Eyes" in its entirety.
  4. 96.
    The Boss
    She falls and the people laugh.
  5. 95.
    Unbelievably dumb.
  6. 94.
    The Girl on the Train
    This movie made a lot of choices. You can't say it didn't. So that's sonething.
  7. 93.
    Yoga Hosers
    Kevin Smith sure does love his daughter.
  8. 92.
    God's Not Dead 2
    He is surely alive still.
  9. 91.
    My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2
    They had another wedding, cool!
  10. 90.
    Office Christmas Party
    It certainly delivers on the premise.
  11. 89.
    How To Be Single
    I guess "Don't date anyone" wasn't enough.
  12. 88.
    Jack Reacher: Never Go Back
    He went back.
  13. 87.
    Fifty Shades of Black
    You won't believe me, but there's a sequence in here that is more insightful about how race and gender roles play into BDSM than any serious movie I've seen.
  14. 86.
    The Secret Life of Pets
    They talk, as it turns out.
  15. 85.
    Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows
    Better than I expected.
  16. 84.
    Rape culture in space!
  17. 83.
    X-Men: Apocalypse
  18. 82.
    Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice
    Great performance here by Jar of Piss.
  19. 81.
    The Jungle Book
    Even less committed to being a musical than "La La Land."
  20. 80.
    Whoa, this guy is RUDE.
  21. 79.
    Sausage Party
    Because they look like dicks, get it?
  22. 78.
    Now You See Me 2
    As dumb and watchable as the first!
  23. 77.
    They certainly do sing.
  24. 76.
    The Love Witch
    Very pretty nonsense.
  25. 75.
    The Purge: Election Year
    Solid B-movie.
  26. 74.
    The Brothers Grimsby
    I laughed.
  27. 73.
    Boo! A Madea Halloween
    Tyga raps at a frat party in a small college in Georgia.
  28. 72.
    The BFG
    It's fine!
  29. 71.
    Rogue One: A Star Wars Story
  30. 70.
    Money Monster
    The perfect Sunday afternoon on HBO movie.
  31. 69.
    These guys sure are goofy.
  32. 68.
    Bright. Very bright.
  33. 67.
    Some great gags in this thing.
  34. 66.
    Eddie the Eagle
    Your mom will love it.
  35. 65.
    Bad Moms
    The moms were bad, but how was the movie? NOT bad!
  36. 64.
    Liking. By me.
  37. 63.
    Bridget Jones's Baby
    Uh oh, how's she gonna get out of this one??
  38. 62.
    War Dogs
    Shocked how much I did not hate this.
  39. 61.
    Hanks for flying with us!
  40. 60.
    Deepwater Horizon
    Malkovich's accent is something to behold.
  41. 59.
    The Shallows
    I enjoy a shark.
  42. 58.
    The Monster
    A+ practical effects, good minimalist horror.
  43. 57.
    Florence Foster Jenkins
    She can't sing, how about that.
  44. 56.
    La La Land
    Look, it's FINE.
  45. 55.
    Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates
    They find them.
  46. 54.
    Barbershop: The Next Cut
  47. 53.
    Southside With You
    Before Presidency.
  48. 52.
    Like a dumb episode of "Black Mirror," in a good way!
  49. 51.
    Central Intelligence
    The Rock is great in this surprisingly fun movie.
  50. 50.
    Hidden Figures
    They found the figures.
  51. 49.
    Kung Fu Panda 3
    Unfairly dumped in theaters with little fanfare at the beginning of 2016. It's fun!
  52. 48.
    The Edge of Seventeen
    Emotionally true and very well-acted.
  53. 47.
    Everybody Wants Some!!
    Beefcake city.
  54. 46.
    Zoolander 2
    Mercilessly stupid. I liked it a lot.
  55. 45.
    Midnight Special
    Hey, this kid seems like a REAL weirdo.
  56. 44.
    Nine Lives
    Maybe the most fun I had at a movie last year.
  57. 43.
    The Lobster
    I'd be a dolphin or maybe a kitty cat.
  58. 42.
    Finding Dory
    They find her.
  59. 41.
    The Conjuring 2
    Keep on conjurin'.
  60. 40.
    Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children
    Pretty darned good!
  61. 39.
    The Founder
    Michael Keaton + McDonalds...now THAT'S a combo!
  62. 38.
    Swiss Army Man
    Boners and farts, what's not to love!
  63. 37.
    Ouija: Origin of Evil
    Absurdly good, all things considered.
  64. 36.
    Life, Animated
    A very good documentary adaptation of a very good book.
  65. 35.
    Star Trek Beyond
    Beyond FUN! Very good, Patrick, you really nailed this one.
  66. 34.
    Hell yeah.
  67. 33.
    I don't want to be controversial, but those Key and Peele guys are really funny!
  68. 32.
    The Neon Demon
    Beautiful, glorious garbage.
  69. 31.
    Doctor Strange
    Visually stunning.
  70. 30.
    Toni Erdmann
    I believe the children are our future.
  71. 29.
    Beautifully directed.
  72. 28.
    This asshole.
  73. 27.
    The Meddler
    Lots of primo shots of The Grove 👌
  74. 26.
    The Witch
    Why yes, I WOULD like to live deliciously.
  75. 25.
    Band of Robbers
    "Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn as bumbling adult criminals" is a weird hook, but it's a good weird hook. And the movie is kind of great.
  76. 24.
    Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them
    I'd missed this world.
  77. 23.
    Kubo and the Two Strings
  78. 22.
    Hail, Caesar!
    The Coen Brothers take on the Golden Age of Hollywood? Would that it were so simple.
  79. 21.
    Captain America: Civil War
    I like it when they fight.
  80. 20.
    Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising
    Super funny and progressive as hell.
  81. 19.
    Manchester by the Sea
    Pretty great if you ignore how the lead actor is an awful person.
  82. 18.
    The Nice Guys
    This movie is, as they say, a "real hoot."
  83. 17.
    Pete's Dragon
    Much better than it has any right to be.
  84. 16.
    Don't Breathe
    Spooky stuff!
  85. 15.
    A Monster Calls
    I wept.
  86. 14.
    Say, you guys think any of this is a metaphor for somethin'?
  87. 13.
    Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping
    The opposite of the Mona Lisa.
  88. 12.
    Don't Think Twice
  89. 11.
    Hello, My Name Is Doris
  90. 10.
    American Honey
  91. 9.
    Green Room
    Loved it, but I wish they hadn't been so violent toward those Nazis jkjkjkjkjkjk.
  92. 8.
    Hell or High Water
    One of the best surprises of last year.
  93. 7.
    The best movie musical in years.
  94. 6.
    10 Cloverfield Lane
    A damn near perfect genre piece.
  95. 5.
    Hunt for the Wilderpeople
    Just lovely.
  96. 4.
  97. 3.
    Other People
    A movie about me, if I were successful and gay and my mom was dying of cancer.
  98. 2.
    Sing Street
    Happy-sad and wonderful.
  99. 1.
    20th Century Women
    Perfect. One of the best movies I've ever seen.