HOW TO DATE IN LOS ANGELES

  1. Avoid concrete plans.
    "Let's hang out sometime" is 2015's version of courting! If you say it like you barely care, you're doing it right!
  2. Wait until the other person texts you to cancel on them.
    If you find out you can't make the date, don't let the other person know right away! Wait until they text you to confirm the date, then drop the bomb on them that you can't make it after all! If they never text you, no problem! They probably couldn't make it either!
  3. Arrive at least 15 minutes late, and blame it on traffic.
    Traffic in L.A., am I right? Look, you've already got an ice breaker!
  4. After you've had a drink, ask the other person to start listing their credits.
    This is how you see if you'd be embarrassed to be seen with them in public. P.A. credits on a web series do not count.
  5. Don't text or call the person the next day.
    If the date was on Friday, wait until Wednesday. It's okay, you've both been so busy!
  6. If you met online and the other person wants something more serious than sex, break it off. That person is a real weirdo.
    Call them a weirdo to their face! Weirdo! Weirdo! Weirdo! That's so L.A., baby. 😎
  7. Most importantly, do NOT get a meal together before you have sex. You're moving way too fast, ya weirdo!
    Weirdo! Weirdo! Weirdo!