THINGS MENTIONED IN "WE DIDN'T START THE FIRE," RANKED (VERSE ONE)

  1. 1.
    Television
  2. 2.
    Vaccine
    Ranking vaccines below television may be controversial, but that's why I'm a Bad Boy.
  3. 3.
    Brando
  4. 4.
    Eisenhower
  5. 5.
    Marilyn Monroe
  6. 6.
    Doris Day
    A tie with Marilyn. One was the Madonna, the other was the Whore, and we needed them both to keep harmony.
  7. 7.
    South Pacific
  8. 8.
    Harry Truman
  9. 9.
    Liberace
    Probably ranked too low, if I'm being honest.
  10. 10.
    South Korea
  11. 11.
    Rosenbergs
  12. 12.
    H-Bomb
  13. 13.
    The Catcher in the Rye
    Ninth grade me would have ranked this much higher.
  14. 14.
    Studebaker
  15. 15.
    Joe DiMaggio
    Baseball, right? I know him almost exclusively from "Mrs. Robinson."
  16. 16.
    Sugar Ray
  17. 17.
    The King and I
    Points deducted for rampant racism and sexism.
  18. 18.
    Santayana goodbye
    Santayana is A+ stuff, but the addition of "goodbye" to fill space is a major blow to this item's ranking.
  19. 19.
    Red China
  20. 20.
    Johnnie Ray
    I don't know this person, but he seems okay.
  21. 21.
    Walter Winchell
  22. 22.
    Richard Nixon
  23. 23.
    Joe McCarthy
  24. 24.
    Panmunjom
  25. 25.
    Marciano
    ONE BOXER IS ENOUGH, WILLIAM.
  26. 26.
    North Korea
  27. 27.
    England's got a new queen
    The fuck kind of lyric is this? You're making a list, Bill, BE SPECIFIC.