WHY DO I HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU?

A guide for the hypothetical recipient of my emotions.
  1. You don't need a partner to be happy. You don't need me.
    Independence is sexy. When you manage to be a Complete Human Being all on your own, that makes me want to be with you. Because I don't need you either. But I want you around anyway. Interestingly, this has caused me to have crushes on several women who turned out to be lesbians. Because sometimes women neither need a man nor want one. Ever.
  2. You're outspoken about women's issues.
    You wrote a blog post about rape culture and handled the "not all men" comments with patience and grace? You're awesome. I want to stand behind you and have your back while you fight to make the world better.
  3. You're funnier than I am.
    This one's pretty trite, but fuck it. Funny women are amazing. If you're a woman who makes me laugh, I can't get enough of you. Lady-driven comedy is my favorite genre. In all things. For all time. And I want as much of it in my life as possible.
  4. You find it endearing that I listened to the same One Direction song on repeat as I made this list.
    "Night Changes," and it's fucking great.
  5. You want to marathon all of the "Planet of the Apes" series and help me cook corresponding dishes with each film.
    This is just something I really want to do. Date me?