Reasons why you should name your child "Bubba," but not your dog

I can't believe I'm making this list, but according to the most recent Census, I believe it to be my civic duty to do so.
  1. A child named "Bubba" is more likely to get a job, compared to a dog with the same name.
  2. It is illegal to do so in several states and micronations.
  3. Look at the photo of this dog and call him/her, "Bubba."
  4. See how stupid you sound and feel after doing that?
  5. 93% of human Bubbas have all of their thumbs. 100% of dog Bubbas have zero thumbs.
  6. A human child will likely respond to when you call it "Bubba," while a dog might respond by calling it whatever, like "Togey" or "Alpadorst."
  7. If you name your progeny Bubba, there are countless nicknames to give 'em. Here are some examples: Bub; Bubb; Sir Bubba; Alpadorst; Bubbalicious; Bubbasteez; Bubbabooey. As for dogs, the choices are dumb not worth enumerating
  8. Animal shelters are more than likely to turn down your dog if they find out its name. 38 out 50 US States, including the District of Columbia and Puerto Rico, turn down the ones named "Bubba" on a weekly basis.
  9. According to Abrahamic lore, Adam and Eve committed Original Sin, then did another one, which was naming a pug, "Bubba." This is why pugs aren't allowed inside St. Peter's Basilica.
  10. Every U.S. President, and U.N. Secretary General is allowed to be given and called an official nickname for classified matters. All have chosen, "Bubba."
    #PowerMove
  11. Mathematically speaking, it is against the laws of nature, physics, and Murphy, to legally name one's dog, "Bubba."