1. I mean I'm not a slut, but who knows!
  2. What about second base? Like if Michael said he got to second base with you, does that mean you closed a deal? I mean that's a baseball term right? *winks at camera*
  3. Fashion show, fashion show, fashion show at lunch!!
  4. Diwali. Is. Awesome!
  5. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, they had a baby and they named it Suri, and then Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, they had a baby, too, and they named it Shiloh. And both babies are amazing! (Jim: Great. What's new with you?) I just told you.
  6. This day is banana b-a-n-a-n-a-s! This day is banana b-a-n-a-n-a-s!!!
  7. Ryan used me as an object.
  8. It's either me or your daughter.
  9. Darrell Phillbin is the most complicated man I have ever met. I mean who says exactly what they think? What kind of game is that?
  10. If I created a website with this many problems, I'd kill myself. (Ryan: Kelly do you have a question?) Yeah I have a lot of questions, number one, how dare you?
    The slow clap from Michael was the only appropriate follow up for this most iconic line
  11. And then all the other prisoners are gonna be like, 'Daaaaaayum Ryan! You got a hot ex-girlfriend! I would have never treated her so bad when I was outside of prison.'
  12. Don't use your cute baby to make us like you.
  13. You guys, I'm like really smart now, you don't even know. You could ask me, "Kelly, what's the biggest company in the world?" And I'd be like blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah," giving you the exact right answer.
  14. You make it hard to love you sometimes.
  15. And perhaps no achievement is greater than his on again, off again girlfriend... Who am I? I'm Kelly Kapoor, the Business Bitch.