WHAT I WANTED TO BE GROWING UP, CHRONOLOGICALLY

A series of ambitions.
  1. Blonde
    I asked my Cool Aunt who lived in California for a Marilyn Monroe wig when I was three. My mother refused, for fear that I would be mistaken for a tiny cancer patient.
  2. Barbie
    Because then, what job wouldn't I have? She does it all.
  3. Veterinarian
    This was after the juvenile delinquent next door shot our cat Sydney Bartholomew with a BB gun. Luckily Syd was saved by a hero and I was inspired.
  4. Astronaut
    One field trip to the planetarium was all it took.
  5. President of The United States of America
    In third grade, my platform was focused. And heartfelt.
  6. Equestrian
    I went through the same horse phase that most girls do.
  7. Dolphin Trainer
    I went through the same dolphin phase that most girls do.
  8. Witch
    I went through the same witchcraft phase that most girls do.
  9. Lawyer
    I loved debating! And dramatic courtroom scenes! And business suits! And 💰
  10. Doctor
    This was a serious goal until it became depressingly clear that I was terrible at math and that, although calculus is not used by docs on the reg, it is a necessary hurdle. Dad's parents were both doctors and it was a true disappointment that first their son and then their granddaughter would fail to follow in their footsteps.
  11. Journalist
    Changed my major from Journalism to Advertising / Marketing / PR before first semester even started.
  12. Professional Talk Show Host
    I had some shows in college and it all went to my head.
  13. Advertising Professional
    Nailed it.