The Weirdest Shit I Have Said in Bed

  1. "No homo"
    While being fingered by a girl
  2. "Achievement unlocked!"
    After the first time a girl touched my boobs
  3. "Do you remember the French homework?"
  4. "Your wife is the bomb dot com"
  5. *singing Little Girls from the hit Broadway musical Annie* "I'd like a man to nibble on my ear"
  6. "Gooooood shiiiiiit that's some goooooood shiiiiiit"
    👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 good shit go౦ԁ sHit👌 thats ✔ some good👌👌shit right👌👌th 👌 ere👌👌👌 right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my self 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌👌 👌НO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌 👌👌 👌 💯 👌 👀 👀 👀 👌👌Good shit
  7. *knighting my fingers* "I KNIGHT THEE
    After getting a girl off. In my slight defense, I was heavily intoxicated
  8. "My bangs are like your ex-boyfriend. I'm going to name them after him."
    You know how you need bangs to cover up your forehead acne but then it creates more forehead acne so you rely on them more? It's like an emotionally abusive boyfriend.
  9. "Seriously, watch Jane the Virgin! It's SO good!"
  10. (Via snapchat) "I MISS YOU SO MUCH! Whoops she's inside me now!!"
    Again, heavily intoxicated.
  11. "I can't feel my nose. Is that bad?"
  12. "I'm so drunk!!!"
    While, for once, not drunk
  13. "I've never done this sober."
  14. "And my dad said I didn't know how to turn a girl on. Look at me now, Dad!"
  15. "My high school guidance counselor would be so disappointed in me right now."
  16. "What's your last name?"
  17. "My grandma would be so proud of me right now."
  18. "Are you feeling it now, Mr. Krabs?"