Crackpots I Have Dated
This is 100% true and it isn't even the half of it. - J
- •The dude who didn't own a fridge."It was too loud next to my head."
- •The pathological liar who wore the toupee.He told me I had too many walls up but he refused to tell me under what pseudonym he wrote for HuffPo because he didn't know me well enough. Spoiler: he did not write for HuffPo. I could go on.
- •The guy who spent the entire date talking about Tom Brady.This one made it into THE ROYAL WE. He then started shit-talking Peyton Manning and I channeled @Abby and argued with him about it.
- •The guy whose mom was an envelope heiress but blew all her money on booze.I actually regret breaking up with this one a bit because in retrospect the reasons I broke up with him were kind of dumb. This fact, however, was NOT one of the reasons. In fact, I found it so interesting that it kind of revived me. This may not sound like he was a crackpot. Read on!
- •The guy who had never heard of Mad Men OR KANYE WEST.He worked in advertising!!! (He's the guy with the mom who drank away her envelope fortune.) Other than this, and the fact that he had a predilection for electronic sitar music, he was the best of the bunch.
- •The guy who passed off Bobby Flay's brisket recipe as his own.Who lies about their brisket recipe???
- •The guy who cancelled a date with me because he was on the Master Cleanse.Just tell me you have a cold!!!!
- •The guy I broke up with by giving him the W signal with my hands. (In my defense, it was like 1997.)I can't remember why but he deserved it. He then ran off to take a job at this place called PayPal and I was like, "THAT WILL NEVER LAST." Whoops.