Signs You Are Accidentally Watching the Uncut Version of 'Spy'

  1. All the penis
  2. And then more penis.
  3. Very generous helpings of penis for a non-porno
    It was like an entree at The Cheesecake Factory, except penis.
  4. Fairly sprightly penis.
    Light as a feather, stiff as a board.
  5. Enough penis to make a pretty sizable commemorative Shutterfly album
  6. And not distant penis either.
    Like, I could correctly identify that penis in a lineup of its peers.
  7. Enough angles to look down the eye of said penis.
    I blinked first.
  8. The kind of penis exposure that may have had its own contract
    Does it get residuals? A stunt stick? Some kind of mask?
  9. Such close penis that I am kinda glad I didn't see it on the big screen.
    That would have been the opposite of a micropenis. Megapenis? Superpenis? A maxipenis? Dongzilla?
  10. Requisite penis detail that I might now qualify as its physician.
    My name is already Cocks so maybe this was some destiny wang.
  11. Sufficient penis to score an MTV Movie Award nom for Breakthrough Performance.
  12. (Who would present that though?)
  13. (Sharon Stone probably.)
  14. (Or Kellan Lutz, just because.)
  15. There were also a lot of face-in-ass jokes.
  16. But mostly the penis.
    It didn't even OFFER to wine-and-dine me first.