HOW TO MINIMIZE PAIN FOR A BIKINI WAX
Just a trim or whole hog, it's going to smart either way. I've been waxing for 22 years; here is how I have found it hurts less.
- •Exfoliate the day before and a few days before that with something good and toughI use my pumice stone to unearth any wannabe hairs
- •Don't drink alcohol the night before or day ofI live and die by this; I also don't go on any benders leading up to the appointment; I just don't bounce back like I used to
- •Take a couple of your favorite ibuprofen an hour and a half or so before your apptOr the maximum dose, to minimize inflammation
- •Do not come straight from the gym or just having had sexYour vag will be all agitated and engorged and you want to minimize that
- •If you're getting your ass waxed I advise against a thongAny residual wax will give you hell to pay later; also I strongly advise you to get your ponytail done- it doesn't hurt at all somehow and the "clean wipe" factor is a game changer
- •A full Brazilian should take a skilled waxer about 15 minutes; you can hang, I know you canThe worst is in your head leading up to it
- •Practice Happy Baby poseIt's not as happy when you're holding as wide as possible as long as possible
- •Crack a jokeShe is applying hot wax to your vagina and ripping out your hairs; cut everyone some slack. Prime time: Valentine's Day season. Everyone trying something fresh for their boo. I usually open with "have you seen ALL of the city's vaginas today or are you saving a few special ones for tomorrow?"
- •Find your yoga breathing; exhale on the pullDon't tense up!
- •Stick to a scheduleFor me, 4 weeks is the sweet spot; just enough growth for real grab, not so much that my waxer needs to detangle before she depilates
- •Find a place or person you like and stick with itFamiliarity eases the tension which eases the pain; I found a salon I liked and just trotted around table to table like a goddamned show pony; each waxer was highly trained so I didn't worry after round three
- •The week after your period is least painfulPMS is the worst; this should be obvious
- •The full moon is most painfulThis may be a Brasilian old wives' tale but I have tested it and it is true
- •Remove any leftover wax residue with coconut oil or cocoa butterThere's nothing these two things can't do; rub a little on directly where the wax is and work it off, shouldn't hurt at all
- •If you can't avoid exercise or sex immediately after a wax, wash up thoroughly to avoid ingrownsIngrowns and bumps happen like zits- blocked pores; antibac soap and water to keep it clear until the pores heal up and then ride, Sally, ride
- •If it crazy town hurts, try topical lidocaine spray and apply it a few minutes before your appointmentOr call @AlexandraLouise; I bet she has a tip or two for minimizing pain
- •If it still crazy town hurts then leave it alone and enjoy nature's bountyBecause your vagina is a beautiful gift to yourself no matter how you groom it; haters don't deserve your luscious beauty