I'VE LOST THAT LOVING FEELING 🌑

Inspired by today's prompt, but different. I'm not sure when exactly this all started, but it's been going on and not in the "I'm rocking a hot ass dress" kind of way. Love to @AlexandraLouise and @DanaDigsYou for getting their lists in my face; 💗
  1. Sidewalk panic attacks started in September
    I would have to call my mom as I would begin to freeze up on 11th avenue; she is a saint who always answers my calls and supports me through the worst of it
  2. I lost 35 lbs
    This is no longer flirting with disaster; I hate that number and I love that number and I want more and it has to stop. I feel myself getting weaker and angrier as a result.
  3. Insomnia has got me like I'm her bitch
    Sleeping 4 nights a week, though recently I can't get out of bed; dealer's choice
  4. I am seeing a person I have no business seeing
    It's perfect timing in the "dark days of Monica" scheme of things; I'll use that rationalization today
  5. Holidays are always rough: this one ended up with me crying in my sister's car for two hours after a miserable dinner with my dad and his wife
    I should just stop going at some point
  6. I can't remember when I last masturbated
    The end of all relationships. Coffin, meet nail.
  7. I am needing ever-more visceral and carnal interactions with people and media to elicit feelings
  8. This is not my darkest and that provides me with some hope
    The chaser to this list will be what works when THIS <circles hand around head and face> isn't