ONLY WOMEN BLEED 💃🏻

There's just some stuff that is so laughably awfulsome (TM Paul Gilmartin) about being a bleeder. I read Cunt by Inga Muscio at an impressionable and had a very open bathroom door policy at home. I'm probably also PMSing so hard right now. Screw it, I'm publishing this. I will not apologize for biology and you have been warned.
  1. Eyeballing pad placement
    Precision is key
  2. Can they hear my pad crinkle?
  3. Can they smell that?
  4. When your tampon feels like a pill getting stuck in your throat
    "Swing and a miss..."
  5. The manic cycling through food cravings
    I'm convinced that if I'm ever a pregnant lady I'll get that PIKA thing and eat soap and dirt
  6. Throwing up from cramps
    Insult, I believe you've met my friend, Injury, yes?
  7. Discovering the soft cup/diva cup
    Like an angel handed you the key to heaven
  8. Coping with said cup in a multi-stall public restroom
    The twins and elevator scene from The Shining. That is all.
  9. When you don't know you've leaked
  10. When you do and you're well out of the rescue zone
  11. Extra active bowels
    Or as a dear friend calls it, blood farts. These systems are unrelated, what gives?
  12. The ovulation "bundle"
  13. "Treating" yourself to the "good" pads
  14. Negotiating post-shower towels
  15. Sex and exercise relieve cramps
    "Cruel Summer," Bananarama
  16. When your period comes a little early and you end up ruining expensive underwear
    Suggested by   @TT
  17. When a kid in your life toddles into the bathroom and becomes gynecologically fascinated with what's going on and has a fit when you try to find a shade of privacy.
    Might have well been in stirrups. Squeals of glee, "it's blood!" Brings me a hello kitty bandaid (this is not lost on me). Insists on joining me in the bathroom for the rest of my life. I love this kid.
  18. Reverse double penetration
    When your pooping and your tampon is slowly inching out
    Suggested by   @minabird
  19. When you cough or sneeze too aggressively and you feel your tampon come out a little
    Suggested by   @minabird