Lies I've Told to Lovers

Before I knew better.
  1. "I am not a virgin."
    Yes I am.
  2. "I am comfortable with this relationship being open."
    The thought of you sleeping with someone else makes my stomach turn but I am afraid of disappointing you."
  3. "I might be into girls."
    I am not into girls.
  4. "I love backpacking."
    I tolerate it.
  5. "I don't eat breakfast."
    I am getting a bagel the second I leave your apartment.
  6. "I'm not mad."
    I'm furious, and plan to make you pay for your actions for a long time.
  7. "I had an orgasm."
    Not even close.
  8. "I trust you."
    You have consistently proven there is no reason to do this.
  9. "Your guacamole is the best."
    My guacamole is better.