Notably Bad/weird/funny Guys I Met Online Pre-@evan

I am grateful to every last one of them. @celine, don't let this scare you. Thanks for the request, @mandi!
  1. The one who told me I "shouldn't talk about things I don't fully understand."
    He made the blanket statement that "Eastern medicine is bullshit." I told him that a good friend of mine had recently had really good results from acupuncture. He demanded that I explain precisely what it had done for her. I wasn't exactly sure, so he let me have it. I ended the date right there, but it didn't keep him from texting me the next day to see if I wanted to go out again sometime.
  2. The one who told me the gnocchi I made were not as good as his mother's.
    My gnocchi are not the only dumplings you won't be getting tonight, sir.
  3. The one who had just broken up with his girlfriend, and was tearfully enthusiastic to have anything in common with me.
    "You like burritos?? I LIKE THEM TOO!!" "You like The Beatles?? ME TOO!!"
  4. The one whose profile said he was 5'6" but was really 5'1".
    I don't care about height, but I do care about lying. This was not an unnoticeable fudge.
  5. The one who opened up the OkCupid app during our coffee date and started asking me questions about my profile.
    I'm sorry, I should have brought copies of my resume.
  6. The one who told me he "doesn't really have a visceral response to food."
    Cool, but this will never, ever work because my primary passion and livelihood does nothing for you.
  7. The one who told me he feels like Jews "take antisemitism too seriously."
    Goodbye.