Happy Father's Day, @Larry!
  1. "When you're kicked by an ass, consider the source."
    This is always the most perfect advice.
  2. "The Israelites were fleeing Egypt and then--OH SNAP! Moses parted the Red Sea!"
    Telling the story of Passover during a Seder a few years ago.
  3. "It doesn't cost anything to be nice."
    He got this one from his dad.
  4. "I would like to be played by David Schwimmer."
    When casting for "Young & Hungry" started.
  5. "Welp, 10 guests are going to have to eat cat food at your wedding."
    While paying for a particularly expensive dinner earlier this week.
  6. Don't forget your MadLibs! said in his best stern dad voice!
    Suggested by @ouizoid