Stuff I Can't Get Into

Other people seem to really like it though.
  1. Red Delicious apples
    The only thing these have going for them is that they are pretty. Inside it's flavorless, mush central.
  2. Birdman
    Thanks so much for inviting me to your archetypal male fantasy, but I want to leave now.
  3. Swiss cheese
    I like it better when my sandwiches don't taste like feet.
  4. Ryan Gosling
    He's talented and perfectly fine-looking, but I do not understand what all the panty-dropping is about.
  5. Turkey
    You know what makes turkey taste good? Cranberry sauce and Pinot Noir. It is not nearly good enough on its own to deserve to be the symbol of an entire holiday.
  6. Yoga
    I realize this is an unpopular stance, but I would rather run or use an elliptical machine while watching a Law and Order SVU episode or listening to music any day.
  7. Hormonal birth control
    Makes me bloated, cranky, and not at all interested in getting busy.