OK, the VERY best OkCupid message I got was from @evan in 2012. But before him, this glorious thing came my way. This is the exact, word-for-word message from a guy who called himself @AManNeedsAWife.
  1. I'm sorry for interrupting your busy day, but, I hope you and your family are well and happy. How's it going? Thank you for posting here. This is a little awkward for me to try to open up online, but I find you interesting and challenging.
  2. I am a fun, loving, passionate, intelligent, and resourceful man. My time is fairly open because I am the boss of my businesses.
    That's businessES. Plural.
  3. I think that we are looking for the same thing; love in a happy and fulfilling relationship. I'm looking to grow a quality long-term relationship to celebrate life; I am open to the possibility that could be with you - unless you would rather miss out and live your life without a man's energy.
    Well, when you put it like that...
  4. I read your profile and I think you are awesome like a multifaceted diamond and that's very cool!
    That Rihanna song is about me.
  5. I'd like to know more about what you mentioned. For example, I noticed that you are a food writer in San Francisco that wakes up excited about your chosen profession every day and it's nice that you are involved in some pretty interesting projects and manage a website about food, wine and cooking.
    Good job reading my profile.
  6. It's been a long time since I've had some home made ice cream, but, I love it!
  7. I find it fascinating that you are really good at many different fun things like eating and drinking out with friends or throwing a dinner party at home and taking bubble baths are important to you and I like how you represent yourself. I enjoyed reading that you seem pretty sure of yourself.
    GREAT sentence.
  8. I appreciate the perspective you hold in the world. What would happen if everyone did the things you did? I think the world would be a much more amazing place. How does that make you feel to do all of that?
    If everyone did the things I do, there would be no government or infrastructure, but tons of essays about kale.
  9. Anyway, I am offering to give you what you're looking for from a man - masculine energy, a good listener, romance, a happy life, friends and worldly skills.
    Worldly skills, huh?
  10. Take you out and hear bands play. Let's just take our time to get to know each other and earn each others trust, become comfortable sharing some laughs, go on romantic walks star gaze and have some fun!
    This does sound fun!
  11. You know, when I take you out on dates, I don't know whether our new adventures will turn into incredibly exciting experiences or just wonderfully fun times, but it sure is going to feel good to go out and laugh a lot, isn't it?
    Oh yeah.
  12. And of course, before you get that far, there is that excitement you get when you're with someone new who you think you could fall in love with.
    Or who might murder you.
  13. That warm "can't get 'em out of your head, smiling until your cheeks hurt" kinda feeling; that blissful agony of having to wait until the next time you see 'em... mushy stuff, I know, but honestly, I think that's a good feeling to never grow out of. I probably will never grow out of that.
    It does sound like agony.
  14. Maybe we owe it to ourselves to hang out and talk.... I'm curious to find out about the person wrapped inside all the pretty. Will you allow that to happen?
  15. Thank you for your time. I apologize it's so long. I'd appreciate an answer either way just so I know I've connected with you. Now here's an interesting question: what would love do now?
    This is how I sign all emails now.