THINGS I HATE ABOUT BEING PREGNANT

  1. Lack of sleep.
    I keep hearing "enjoy your sleep now!" because I'm not gonna get any when baby is here. But, honestly, between tinkling every 20 minutes (no exaggeration,) heartburn (regardless of what I eat,) and constant anxiety, I haven't slept through the night since July.
  2. Not being able to drink.
    Or smoke. Or pop a Percocet. These are stressful times; I'm probably the most stressed I've ever been and I'm coping with it through school guidance counselor-approved methods ("Go for a walk!" "Paint!" "Journal!") It's about as successful as I thought it would be.
  3. Being unable to tie my shoes.
    I've been wanting to wear my Chucks since August and it's fucking impossible. Too many laces, man.
  4. Worrying the baby is dead all the time.
    It's been 20 minutes since she's moved? Oh my god she's definitely dead. *poke...poke... poke* oh, she lives, thank god.
  5. Being heavy as fuck.
    I feel like a whale. I look like a whale. I weigh about as much as a baby whale. I'm freaking out, hoping all this weight will go away and I won't be left with scars that look like I was mauled by a mountain lion.