Requested by Amie

JOBS I WOULDN'T MIND HAVING

Thanks for the request @amieshmamie
  1. Dog sitter for big, chill dogs.
    Need someone to spend a pleasant afternoon with your Great Dane? Need someone to walk your St. Bernard? I'm your girl.
  2. Journalist before the internet existed
    I actually wanted to be a journalist in the days before click-bait and BuzzFeed polls (no offense, BuzzFeed).
  3. Campaign manager for an honest, good-hearted, intelligent, and experienced candidate.
    Sooooo unemployed? Lololol just kidding (but really).
  4. Celebrity best friend
    I'm in all their Instagram photos and I'm at all the after parties but you have no idea who I am. I'm just there to start Twitter feuds with Taylor Swift and shamelessly hit on people who are way better looking than I am.
  5. Giraffe rescuer
    I watched a show on public access about this team from Uganda who successfully relocated six giraffes across the Nile to protect them from poachers and put them far away from the oil drilling plants that are destroying the land. I bawled like a baby and told my mom that I'm going to run away and join them. One day, I might.
  6. The only member of the HFPA and The Academy
    So I have never to see David O. Russell and Jennifer Lawrence again lmao sorry.
  7. Political correspondent in an alternate universe where Donald Trump doesn't exist.
    I hate the relationship between media and politics in the United States but I would love to be the woke person at the round table who just looks at the camera like Jim on The Office.
  8. J.K. Rowling's life coach
    I, in no way, have my shit together and I, in no way, am suggesting that she needs a life coach. I just want to try and stop her before she becomes the next George Lucas.
  9. YouTuber who talks about movies in great detail without giving them a score or rating.
    I realize that I could actually do this if I wanted to but if I wanted to be original or make money while doing this, I'm about 10 years too late.
  10. First person on Mars
    I'm am not and will never be qualified to be an astronaut but with everything going on, I would gladly volunteer to go and just hang out.