5 phases I go through in a single conversation with my mother
My mom and I have... a complicated relationship. This is a breakdown.
- •Delicately hopefulMaybe this time things will go smoothly and I won't react viscerally to her suggestions for self-improvement
- •Sharp pins and needlesThe suggestions and comments and nitpicking insults start coming. At this point I bite the inside of my cheek and hope the salty taste can distract me from seeing red
- •Brain hemorrhagingEverything I say or do is totally wrong. Why can't I just be quiet and listen! Things would be so much easier on me if I just became an entirely different person as per her suggestions. Look for bleeding through the ears.
- •The Last StrawUsually I get angry and snap, making some completely inappropriate jab at something unrelated to the question at hand. The penultimate peril.
- •The ExplosionThe reaction to aforementioned unnecessary comment. Leads to an exchange of words that very much resembles the flinging of steaming shit