DEAR DIARY

By Gandalf the fat
  1. Day 421 of captivity-while investigating the source of water big girl attempted to give me a swirly. I retaliated by trying to bite her knee. She laughed. Will chew on her shoes later
  2. Day 428 of captivity-while contemplating the meaning of life I discovered a wonderful invention called the "box spring". It is excellent for chewing on. I was so excited I ran from the room down to the basement in celebration. I then returned to destroy more of my captors things
  3. Day 433 of captivity-in an effort to annoy the big girl I sat on her clean towels that she had just folded. My reward was an ear scratch . I succumbed to her will and fell asleep. Most work harder at resisting.
  4. Day 439 of captivity-the squirrels appear to be organizing. They mock me with their freedom. I must convince queen j that the time is right for an attack.
  5. Day 441 of captivity-queen j kicked me out of her room. I find comfort in my new home. I must win her affections
  6. Day 443 of captivity-queen j let me stare at her today while we were in the same room. My heart soared with love. She is what makes my captivity bearable. Maybe one day she will return my love
  7. Day 445 of captivity-who is this? She will not deter my plans. Must destroy
  8. Day 450 of captivity-the big girl brought home flowers. Must destroy
  9. Day 451 of captivity-I have trained my captors to follow me into a room and stick their fingers in the bed. I hide behind the headboard and let them think we are playing. Silly fools. I revel in their idiocy