1. I really need to get Facebook off the damn phone and get back to feeding my cows on Township.
  2. Do I know you?
  3. You annoyed me in elementary school and called me a fat cow in fourth grade. Tell me again why I should accept your friend request.
  4. Only 399 friends? Didn't I have 400? What happened? Who was it? What did I post that offended somebody?
  5. Why doesn't my ex post as much as I think he should?
  6. How is this tedious, 20-paragraph recollection of running into Prince in a Minneapolis locker room getting 20 likes?
  7. Has it been four hours since I logged in and started browsing Facebook? How is it 2 a.m.? What the hell?
  8. I really don't care about the incremental progress you're making in Genies & Gems.
  9. Four hours on Facebook and I've not offered one like or made a single comment. What the hell did I do with those four hours?
  10. Man, I'm not nearly as irritating on social media as I thought.