WHY HELL MIGHT JUST BE A CHANGE-ROOM CUBICLE

  1. The sales assistant always seems to think that you need checking up on.
    I only went shopping to get AWAY from a maternal figure with different fashion tastes to me.
  2. Since about 2011, you often have to wait for a worker to unlock the door first.
    'Once you've undone that latch, could you then please cut up my apple for me? And no skin.'
  3. There's always pre-existing evidence of thievery.
    'This is gonna sound unbelievable, but those empty coat-hangers and detached tags were already there.'
  4. If I try something on, I feel obliged to go pay for it.
    Okay, I've never seen a sign saying "you try it, you buy it," but I always assume that's their policy.
  5. I have no idea if I'll look good in it once I've bought it, because real-life lighting bears no resemblance to change-room lighting.
    In the change-room's mirror, I look terrific, but in any other mirror in the world, I look horrific.
  6. It's difficult to know if this jacket actually fits me or not, given all the heaving my chest is doing from all this anxiety.
    And there's so much heaving that the tags actually come off, but, "It sounds unbelievable, I know."