Things My Dog Believes

  1. Every human wants to play with him
  2. Staring at you is polite when you are eating
  3. Whichever ball you have right now is infinitely better than the one in my mouth
  4. Cats use Jedi force to stop me from entering a room
  5. You need me to check where you are going when you drive
  6. I can beat all dogs running but if they are next to me I will turn over and pee to clarify our relationship
  7. If I catch a bird I can play with it until it disintegrates
  8. Licking my butt doesn't mean I'm not paying attention
  9. Cauliflower and sunflower seeds must be shared