My Bachelorette Contestants
All celebrities and in order of who would be the first to go to the last...
- •DrakeSo cute, but he's the guy who discovers that he doesn't want to share me, and wants to respect me. He leaves on his own good terms.
- •Aaron RodgersHot and a football player with an actual personality? Too good to be true. In the end of the day, I don't love you enough to watch videos every football game.
- •Henry CavilHey he's dating a 19 year old and I'm 22 so I have a shot! But then again, do I trust him?
- •Keira KnightyA goddess but too classy for the Bachelorette. I don't want her stooping to my level.
- •Gaston from Beauty and the BeastNo explanation. Have you seen his chest hair? Only keep around for a shirtless challenge.
- •BJ NovakI feel like he'd think he's too cool for all of this and no matter how desperate I become, he won't stay. Is this because I was so awkward at your book signing? I got star stuck Im sorry! I thought getting you on the Bachelorette would allow us to get to know each other better!! BJ? BJ where are you going?
- •LeoYou all know who I'm talking about. Millionaire playboy extraordinaire, I can't break through that steamy persona of his. He won't open up to me. He's too guarded. The Bachelorette, despite saying she's guarded at every 1-on-1, don't like when her guys are guarded.
- •Seth MeyersSo funny. So adorable. But not Fantasy Suite material. But a really hard one to say goodbye. Had to leave the room after the rose ceremony for that one.
- •John MulaneyAnother charming one, another one where we would laugh and listen to the same Tom Jones soundtrack on repeat. But we agree to be friends because...
- •Seth MacFarlaneWe gave it a go. Such a great guy to talk to, again another funny one. We have a beautiful date together. But I had to send someone home, but we will remain friends or something and meet up on Instagram.
- •Adam ScottNo one knows why he's still in it and everyone is v confused how he made it so far. He hasn't spoken once. But then I find out he's in love with someone else and he has to leave. But since there was no chemistry, I respect his decision, slash we already had an emotional episode so they got to cool it.
- •Pete WentzAnother bad boy. There are a lot of bad boys. But secretly a sensitive little bitch and would fight with anyone he thought wasn't here for "the right reasons."
- •Benedict CumberbatchWe go on a fantastic date in London and to the theater. He has to leave because my producers don't like him. Ughhhh
- •Paul RuddSo cute. So charming. But we are down to the last of em. Goodbye Paul. He's a great sport. All the guys miss him.
- •Tom HiddlestonMm mm. Mmmm. Mmmm.
- •Tom HardyHe's the bad boy. The boy I just can't break but is so unbelievably hot I can't let go and I want him to make the fantasy suite. But he dumps me and I'm devastated. He misses his dogs too much. This makes me leave for a day to focus on myself, which pisses the producers a lot but is a "first in Bachelorette history." But he accepted the Fantasy Suite key?!
- •Chris PrattA nice guy, a fan favorite. Don't worry, he'll be the next Bachelor.
- •Ryan GoslingMy love. My true love. He goes down on one knee and I cry and we are in love and drive off in that car from Drive and live on in various reality shows.