1. "Our forefathers, who art in heaven..."
    This was super funny at my Christian school, trust me.
  2. "Glee is whack...but I still love it"
  3. "Don't bite your friends"
    True. Unless... ;)
  4. "If one more thing pops out and scares me at this haunted house I'm gonna eat it"
    Right after I yelled this, a dude with a chainsaw chased me out of the haunted house all the way to the parking lot
  5. "Beware of killer mosquitos"
    Still relevant.
  6. "Got a new mattress this morning so I'm thinking about going back to sleep"
    The fact that I sat down in front of the computer and typed out this status makes me want to punch myself in the face
  7. "Is reciting a monologue to herself with a mouth full of cheese puffs. Instant A+"
  8. "Had a giant beetle stuck to me the whole ride home and I'm still freaking out"
    I obviously wasn't driving or this would be a very different status.
  9. "Cleaned out my book bag yesterday...and scary things came out"
    This still happens to me
  10. "I strongly dislike whistles...and people with whistles"
    I can only guess this was talking about referees, who we irrationally disliked during basketball season because they would call a foul after we purposely punched someone in the face. Now I see they were just doing their job.
  11. "Fell down the stairs. Life is good"
  12. "I'm never eating ancient roman cheesecake again...or pear soufflé...in fact, I'm just not going to attend another toga party"
    It's true. I haven't attended another toga party since.
  13. "I think the black eyed peas won American Idol"
    Two obsolete things in one sentence.
  14. "Not going to sleep anytime soon because people choose to call during the night when it's free"
    Ah. The nostalgia. Calling my friends after 9 when it was free/I had unlimited minutes/it was almost my bedtime made me feel more grown up than it should've.
  15. "Spring break AND Hannah Montana"
    I don't even know but I hate this status