THE REAL REASON WHY I HAVEN'T READ HARRY POTTER

  1. It started with a bookbag. One day while back to school shopping sometime in elementary school, I picked out a Harry Potter bookbag
  2. I didn't actually know anything about Harry Potter, but it was purple and that was my favorite color at the time
  3. I also owned the first book but never read past a few chapters
    So no one is gonna call Child Protective Services on the Dursley's? Ok. Cool.
  4. Anyway I went to this super conservative Christian school and of course being like 8 I didn't think of the potential controversy
  5. So I took my new bookbag to school and rocked the shit out of it and everything was fine and dandy
  6. Until the end of the day when one of my classmates started to harass me about how Harry Potter was witchcraft
  7. And how anything to do with it was a sin
  8. He kept repeating "that's witchcraft" in the way little kids say the same thing over and over because they want to watch the world burn
  9. 8 year old me was definitely thinking "no shit, Sherlock, the school in the book is literally called hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizardry"
  10. But I just concerned smiled at him (😀) and let it go
  11. He did this every day after school in the pick-up line
  12. I ignored him for the most part but a girl can only take so much mansplaining
  13. In a moment of complete agitation I Silencio'd his ass
  14. I thought it would only make him shut up for the 15 minutes I had to stand in the line
  15. Except the next day he still couldn't talk
  16. Or the next day
  17. He hasn't been able to talk since
  18. Realizing my power, I swore off Harry Potter and all of the books/movies
  19. But I still wore that bookbag for the rest of the year 💁🏽