SOME LIES I TOLD MY PARENTS, 1995-2005

  1. Yes, alcohol would be "involved", and I will make good decisions.
    I wanted them to think I was cool enough to actually be invited to parties with alcohol. There was never any alcohol. It wasn't even really a party.
  2. No, I've never let anyone else drive your car. I can be trusted with your expensive property!
    Whatever boy I had a crush on at the moment was definitely driving their car.
  3. I practiced violin for an hour a day, as I was told to.
    I practiced it long enough to remember I hated it, then played the cassette tape of violin music and hoped they wouldn't notice the difference.
  4. Yes, I did my math homework. I can be trusted to be a self-directed homeschooled child.
    How did they not notice I failed all the tests?
  5. I never listen to rap music since that one time you heard me playing it. You said it was sinful.
    Actually I memorized all the words to Hard Knock Life.
  6. It definitely was an accident that I knocked over this glass of soy milk.
    Soy milk is disgusting and I strategically knocked it over anytime I knew there wouldn't be enough to replenish it or when I could sense my mom would be too distracted to make me refill my glass.