Reasons We Can't Be Friends

dedicated to approx 3 people who won't be reading this anyways.
  1. You wouldn’t go see INSIDE OUT with me, “because it’s animated”...?!!!??
    As Buffy would say, "grow up". Also, INSIDE OUT WAS THE BEST MOVIE THIS YEAR (+ Pixar is the best)!!!
  2. Youre allergic to EVERYTHING and vegan.
    I ate ramen, you ate bean sprouts
  3. You said "wow you look comfortable" to me when we went to the movies .
    Fuck you, Refinery29 called sweatpants "legit".
  4. You wear high heels like it’s NBD.
    What?
  5. You’ve never watched Seinfeld.
    But you said you were raised "culturally Jewish"?!?
  6. We went to Salt&Straw and you just got a sample.
    Salted, malted, chocolate chip cookie dough!!!
  7. You've said "my novella" more than once in this conversation.
    And you weren't mocking someone else....?
  8. You cant appreciate the aurally pleasing sounds of TSwift once in a while.
    Female politics aside, just admit it sounds good
  9. I use my outer-facing camera, and you, your front-facing one.
    That's totally fine but I know when it comes down to it, the times and places we choose to photograph will be far too different for us to get along on potential trips in the future.
  10. You're rude to waiters (and people in general).
    That sucks and you suck.
  11. You said Step Brothers was the dumbest movie you’ve ever seen, but thought Interstellar was "pretty good".
    Step Brothers was awesome and you're awful.