1. He lives in a trash can
  2. No one asks him about how he is REALLY doing
  3. He can't get to the methodone clinic because he doesn't have legs
  4. You try spending the whole day with someone's hand up your butt
  5. Other kids at school made so much fun of his unibrow that it scarred him
  6. He'd really rather be in the green bin
  7. He keeps working and working on his yoga practice but still can't master an unassisted headstand
  8. He likes being grouchy
  9. His unrequited love for Ernie has left him hopelessly bitter
  10. He's actually not grouchy and just has resting bitch face
    Suggested by @mallofamanda