Preflight Carryon Checklist - Flying With Children

It doesn't help if you check it, gotta bring the important stuff in the cabin
  1. Xanax
  2. Bungie cords for restraining them
    So much easier to remove than duct tape
  3. Practice 'sorry-they're just kids' face for the seat neighbors
  4. iPad/siPhones charged and loaded with content
  5. Headphones
  6. Hand sanitizer
  7. Muzzles and blinders
  8. Books
  9. Electronic megaphone with voice changer
    This one keeps them entertained for hours
  10. Extra Xanax
  11. Diapers
    Adult and child size. Sometimes they fall asleep on you and the thought of waking them is the most terrifying thing imaginable.
  12. Milk
  13. Water in spill proof cup
  14. Whiskey in spill proof cup
  15. Tin cup/dark glasses and white cane for the kids to walk up and down the aisle soliciting change
    It's like a lemonade stand in the sky! Teaches entrepreneurship and keeps em occupied long enough for the adults to have a bathroom/coffee/whiskey refresh
  16. Wipes
  17. Anything that can play the frozen theme song with enough battery power for at least 639 repeats
  18. Snacks
  19. Treats for bribing
    Gummy bears, chocolate covered pretzels, perhaps a lollipop for takeoff/landing, fruit bars,adderal, Ritalin, Thorazine
  20. Napkins, lots of napkins
  21. Extra pants/shirt/socks for kids
  22. Hoodies /hats
  23. Ever since the great milk/cheese exorcist moment of 2014 I like an extra pair of something for the grownups
    A bathrobe or hospital gown will work in a pinch
  24. Plastic bag for wet refuse
    See above
  25. Apology cards to hand out to seat neighbors at flights end
    With a 1-800-sorry4u complaint hotline for them to be able to talk out their feelings