1. Ranches make me think of manure and oddly of jack palance, two things I don't want on my salad
  2. It's not blue cheese, not even close
  3. It's mayo in disguise, and not fooling anyone
  4. Because the thought police act as if not only that I should like it but I should be thankful very much that they've got more than 1,000 island available at this particular Chili's
  5. It wishes it were blue cheese, it just never got the gumption to get there