When I Used Afro Straightener on My Jewfro

With visual at the end, a story in list form
  1. In my first year of college I hadn't come to terms with the fact that rocking the jewfro was in and of itself its own statement #curlyhairshame
  2. I was tired of hiding under a pony tail when I wasn't letting my freak flag fly or rocking out at shows
  3. Given that in college I mostly ate ramen this purchase of Afro straightener was quite the luxurious spend
  4. while purchasing at the pharmacy the cashier said "are you sure about this?"
  5. That should have been all the warning I needed
  6. I go home, smoke a bob Marley sized spliff, and then apply the goo on my hair after putting on my plastic safety gloves.
  7. I'm thinking should I stop now? Naw. Come too far.
  8. Plastic safety gloves, for something I'm putting on my head, think about that.
  9. I think it contains lye.
    Which is why it smells and feels like decomposition
  10. I slather the sludge on.
  11. So I put a shower cap over the toxic stew and join my roommates in the living room, while The cd changer shuffle meanders from metal to jazz and pink Floyd.
  12. It stings. And reeks. And I squirm.
  13. I couldn't speak because all of my focus was on NOT jumping up, NOT SHRIEKING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS and NOT sticking my head into the kitchen sink or the courtyard fountain
  14. I couldn't see anything clearly because the fumes made my eyes water and sting
  15. Our cat comes up, looks at me, catches a whiff and runs away.
    Id have done the same
  16. A little bit drips down my back and OH HELL IT BURNS
    Left a permanent stain on the couch. Not the only or first odd stain on that couch mind you...
  17. 1 hour later I jump up, dunk my head in the already running sink and then take a 20 minute shower featuring three shampoos and conditioner which I never use
    Hair straigtening isn't very green
  18. Walking into the living room my near comatose roomates comment on how I still smell like bug spray.
  19. Shower #2 and I swipe my roomate's Dandruff shampoo and use the remaining 40% of the bottle
  20. Pass out
  21. The next morning I awake to see that my hair BOUNCED THE F%#k BACK TO CURLY.
    Id say 85% of its usual loft but still, cmon
  22. So I did it again with the other application of straightener in the bottle
  23. Well, I wouldn't say I missed them but I was at home putting FREAKING LYE on my hair, again.
  24. Missed 2 classes that morning
  25. My hair was wavy frizzy for 5 days
  26. Then it went back to curly
  27. Jewfro 1 , Afro straightener 0