All of these quotes are straight from @mindy's books "Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me?" And "Why Not Me?" Hopefully this isn't illegal.
  1. "I don't remember a time when I wasn't chubby."
  2. "Unfortunately, for me, 'nothing to do but drink' tends to mean 'nothing to do but get into trouble.'"
  3. "What I'm asking for is not that much. I just want a boyfriend who is sweet and trustworthy. That's it."
  4. "Call me superficial, or call me a genius (or call me both - why can't both be true?)"
  5. "Me, on the other hand, whenever I lose, like, five pounds, I basically start considering if I should "try out" modeling.
  6. "I would like to be friends with Beyoncé Knowles."
  7. "I've never been thin in my life - except the day I was born, when I was six pounds."
  8. "I cannot imagine a life more boring and a more time-consuming obsession than being preoccupied with watching what I eat."
  9. "It's not that I think I'm so great. I just don't hate myself."
  10. "My body mass index is certainly not ideal, I frequently use my debit card to buy things that cost less than three dollars, because I never have cash on me, and my bedroom is so untidy it looks like vandals ransacked the Anthropologie Sale section."
  11. "Every kid wants approval, but my desire to be well liked was central to my personality."
  12. "People sometimes sweetly say that I have 'child-bearing hips,' but what they really mean is that I have hips that will definitely knock over your drink if you are sitting next to me on a plane and I have to get up to use the bathroom."
  13. "A good thing to know about me is that I'm terrible at Frisbee and I hate playing it so much."
  14. "I don't think it should be socially acceptable for people to say they are 'bad with names.' No one is bad with names. That is not a real thing. Not knowing people's names isn't a neurological condition; it's a choice. You choose not to make learning people's names a priority."
  15. "It's OK to drink tequila in the car if you just had a really good meeting."
  16. "I am the kind of person who, if my feelings are unrequited, can completely detach from someone emotionally if I simply put my mind to it. That's why I'm always saying I would be a great serial murderer."
  17. "If you've got it, flaunt it. And if you don't got it? Flaunt it. Cause what are we even doing here if we're not flaunting it?"