THOUGHTS WHILE BOARDING MY 5:23AM FLIGHT OUT OF SFO THIS MORNING - AT 4:38AM

  1. Stop it. That woman is SERIOUSLY eating Chex Mix?
  2. Maybe she's hungover.
  3. I hope she's hungover. That's disgusting.
  4. I'm so relieved I'm actually NOT hungover.
  5. The smiling, chatty, giddy people better NOT be sitting next to me.
  6. Ew, gross, that old man in first class just totally stared me up and down.
  7. He's gross. But I'm jealous he's in first class.
  8. If the old, bald, sleeping man next to me gets into his R.E.M. sleep, I'm at serious risk of him resting his head on my shoulder.
  9. I can't get close enough to the window to prevent this awkward moment from happening.
  10. What does it look like for the airport staff outside the plane to see all the faces peering out at them?? I bet we all look sad and trapped.
  11. I'm actually happy and tired.