1. "Um is not an answer."
    For when you need to tell people to tighten up their shit. Like when you ask for a third basket of breadsticks at Olive Garden.
  2. "Don't pee on my leg and tell me it's raining."
    I know you have more breadsticks in the back. Keep 'em flowing.
  3. "If it doesn't make sense, it's not true."
    No, really, you aren't out of breadsticks.
  4. "Beauty fades. Dumb is forever."
    Except for the beauty of breadsticks. That's also forever.
  5. "They don't keep me here because I'm 5'10" and gorgeous."
    A 5'10" breadstick would be gorgeous. Are there any of those in back?
  6. *laughs in people's faces over something ridiculous they're saying*
    Oh, you hate the breadsticks because they're too salty? LOLOLOLOL. OKAY.
  7. "BALONEY, SIR!"
    (There's no such thing as a 5'10" breadstick.)
  8. "Do I look like I need help from you?"
    I actually do. I need more dipping sauce.