EVERY PERSON I "HELLO"-ED (ADELE STYLE) ON MY WALK TO BREAKFAST THIS MORNING & OUR FAKE BACKSTORIES

In my head, at least.
  1. Rugged man wearing tube socks and carrying dirty hiking shoes out of his house: "Hello, it's me..."
    Gregor loved hiking around the world. His biggest hike was coming up: Mt. Kilimanjaro. I was constantly worried about his safety on his long treks. When would he make it back to basecamp? I could no longer handle the worry and tube sock expenses, and left him a Dear John note on his REI receipt the night before he left for Tanzania.
  2. The man wearing his church suit riding a motorcycle: "Did you ever make it out of that town where nothing ever happened?"
    Jeff thought he was Jax Teller. He was not Jax Teller. Jax Teller doesn't work at Joseph A. Bank. When I grew weary of all the games, I threw everything I owned into a JAB hanging garment bag and left during his shift at the Buy 1, Get 3 Free sale.
  3. Very attractive man that looked a little like Chiwetel Ejiofor holding a rental car key: "I'm in California dreaming about who we used to be..."
    Bart was super-hot and had style for days, which is fortunate for an artisanal bow tie salesman. But he was always gone -- driving his rental car around regionally, and just generally being a bow tie sales rock star, groupies included. I couldn't handle the life of a wholesale bow tie widow, and burned his entire tie collection in the bathtub one night, writing "Hello, can you hear me?" in my mascara tears on the bathroom mirror. Then I moved to California.
  4. Man on a crotch rocket holding a fast food bag between his legs and making awkward eye contact with me as he drove: "There's such a difference between us..."
    Jordan was reckless and did dumb shit. Just keep your eyes on the GD road and buy a backpack, dude. "They say times supposed to heal ya, but I ain't done much healing..."