I was a pretty decent kid, but when I went for it, I really went for it.
  1. In kindergarten, I wrote dork or nerd or something on the back of an autographed David Copperfield picture. I stand by my actions.
  2. I kicked my dad in the balls and refused to apologize. I didn't think I did anything wrong. Should I apologize now?
  3. When I was in second grade, I told all the kids what "do it" meant. I was sent to the principal's office.
  4. I told all my friends that Santa wasn't real, because I read it in an interview with New Kids on the Block in Tiger Beat. One of their older sisters heard me and made me say I was lying and Santa stayed alive for another year or something.
  5. I threw mulch at a kid in preschool because he was hogging the swings at recess and was really being a dick about it.
  6. For saying "fuck" and "pissed off." I didn't even know fuck was a bad word. My brother tricked me by playing the name game with Buck. For reference, I wasn't allowed to say "butt" until I was 18.