THINGS I THOUGHT WERE TRUE WHEN I WAS A KID

  1. Drinking and driving laws encompassed all liquids. I once yelled at my mom for drinking tea and said I was going to call the police on the car phone.
  2. Picking my nose too much made my nostrils big.
  3. When you ran away you had to do so with one of those sticks-with-the-kerchief-on-the-end deal, so I did.
  4. You could just drive an empty, glittery gold limo around as your personal car. I mean, I guess you can actually do this.
  5. Bagging groceries was the most fun job a person could have. Maybe it really is. I still want to do this.