This Girl's Life: An Autobiography in Bullet Points, Part I

Random facts on a timeline.
  1. I was born the day after Thanksgiving.
    My mom refused to give birth to me on the third Thursday of November. "I want my turkey," she said.
  2. When I was 2, my brother spit gum in my hair.
    He never got in trouble for it.
  3. At three, I loved to say the phrase, "Pink Pig," with attitude.
    Still, no one knows why.
  4. I demanded to be potty-trained in the kitchen.
    Don't worry, I had a portable potty.
  5. My first curse was pretty lame.
    I told my grandma I would "spank the hell out of her." She was aghast and I was the one who got spanked.
  6. I had my first boyfriend at age 3.
    His name was Grant. He called me "Lovebug."
  7. I vomited in a bathtub at age four.
    It took me several years to eat chicken again.
  8. I used to pretend I was adopted.
    But didn't everybody?
  9. Hook was the first movie I saw in theaters.
    I was TERRIFIED.
  10. At four, I bought my own pair of Katerina Witt inline skates.
  11. When I was four, I thought it was so cool that my brother was twice my age (8).
  12. At my kindergarten interview, I convinced the school that my name was not Kelley.
    I was Gloria. And they believed me because I could spell it. Thank you, Van Morrison. G-L-O-R-I-A.