Had a debate with @Creamz, @Allys_on , and @ohlauren about the merits of cake last night. Lauren and I agree that it's at the bottom of the dessert hierarchy. Come at us, bros. Did I miss any major dessert categories?
  1. Ice cream
    Also: frozen yogurt, sorbet, milkshakes, gelato. Don't try to come at me like ice cream is boring. Take generic vanilla ice cream, sandwich it between two chocolate wafers, BOOM, instant nostalgia and fun. Make it a Tahitian vanilla bean gelato and you've got black tie worthy dessert. Ice cream and its brethren are versatile, adaptable, and goddamn DELICIOUS.
  2. Cheesecake
    CHEESECAKE IS DEFINITELY NOT CAKE. It is in its own CLASS. On its own LEVEL. Cheesecake is decadent as HELL. Cheesecake is a BOSS dessert.
  3. Mousse
    OH WHAT'S THAT? YOU DON'T THINK MOUSSE IS ITS OWN CATEGORY? I feel for you, man. I'm sorry for the world you live in, where whipped airy desserts are not their own category. Mousse is basically flavored whipped cream but it's actually acceptable to eat a whole bowl of it.
  4. Pie
    Also: cobbler, crumbles, buckles, tarts. Berry pie and apple pie are the reigning monarchs, and it is an actual crime not to serve them warm and a la mode. Chocolate, coconut, banana cream pies - hell yeah. Key lime? Uh-HUH. Lemon meringue? I'm actually not a huge fan of meringue, but if that's your jams get up IN it.
  5. Eclairs/cream puffs/profiteroles
    I have no fucking clue what choux pastry is, but I know that it is made by angels. Fill it with cream and top it with chocolate or powdered sugar or other flavorings and know what true delight tastes like.
  6. Brownies
    Blondies and other bars included. Dense, rich, fudgy, chewy. What UP.
  7. Crème brûlée
    I have had exactly one perfect crème brûlée. I was 15 years old and in Paris, France. It was custardy and cool on the inside with a perfect molten sugar topping that shattered just so under my spoon. I have never found its rival, and am always hesitant about ordering crème brûlée, because it will never be the crème brûlée I ate in Paris at age 15.
  8. Cookies
  9. Bread pudding
    My brother had a bread pudding made from croissants at his wedding. CROISSANTS. I can't even. Goddamn CROISSANTS.
  10. Trifles/parfaits
    Really depends on their ingredients, but generally a fun and visually interesting way to present layers of yummy things.
  11. Cupcakes
    Usually better than their larger cousins. I think the small portions and shorter bake times help them retain moisture. Plus they're cute as hell.
  12. Ice cream cake
    I'm going to give this its own category, and I'm going to rank it above cake, and if you have a problem with this you can take it up with the front office (points to myself with my own middle fingers). The cake in ice cream cake is usually worse than just cake, but the presence of ice cream makes up for it.
  13. Cake
    I've had good cake. I've even had great cake. But I think this is the most hit-or-miss category. There are too many stale, dry, flavorless cakes slathered in too-sweet, grainy frostings in the world to make me excited about a cake being served for dessert.
  14. Pudding and jello
    Okay, I admit it. There is a dessert I get less excited about than cake. I'm sorry for not admitting it sooner. Pudding and jello are fine! They're fine. They're just... they're not very exciting. It's okay. It's fine. They're just... they're okay.
  15. BONUS UNRANKED CATEGORY: meringue, Eton mess, pavlova
    I have never had Eton mess or pavlova, and I've only ever had like shitty store bought meringue. I have no idea how I feel about these as a group! It's a wildcard! Who can say! Maybe someday I'll know!