MY BEST(?) INTERACTIONS WITH DUDES ON OKCUPID

I've online dated on and off for years (currently: off). Sometimes I would try hard, go on lots of dates, really put in effort. Other times... well, see below.
  1. How To Talk Dirty
  2. Batman
    It's disappointing how bad most guys are at initiating conversations. I usually ignored one word messages but this dude was REALLY cute you guys. One or two more short, boring responses and I was over him.
  3. Fancy Seeing You Here
    This is a true story. I recognized him, he did not remember me.
  4. Don't Neg Me
    This guy made it all the way to a phone number exchange, then messed it up with a classic neg. When I called him out on it, he got supremely defensive.
  5. Seriously, Don't Neg Me
    Same guy as above. I called him sexist and he accused me of having a personality disorder. I closed the convo with this.
  6. What exactly was I supposed to do with this?
  7. Seriously, what did you expect from me?
    Same guys as above. Really not sure why he didn't get back to me after this.
  8. "How have you been?" A guy I used to work with texted me, followed by this screenshot
    This just happened last night. I was really sure that profile was deleted. Word to the wise, this comes across as weird and intrusive, not clever or cutesy.
  9. A Research Application
  10. A Research Application is Denied
  11. Poet Laureate
  12. When in Doubt: Rhyming Couplets
    My response to the poet who didn't know it.